Fallen Angels
by Periwinkle4444
Summary: Rain falls as the shadows lengthen. Remus sits by his window, his grey eyes miserable, wondering why she had to die. An angel had flown into his arms and now she was gone, without a whisper of goodbye. A story of remeberance and painful love. RL/NT Onesho


**A/N: So, I'm listening to this song called _Fallen Angels_ by Aerosmith and this pops into my head. It's kind of angsty and dark but really sweet, so I figure I'll write about it. This is the product of 24 hours of furious writing and re-writing and revising and editing. And in the end, it ended up being longer than some of the chapters for my story _If Only._ Funny how things happen.**

**Anyway, I'm very happy with this piece. It's my first oneshot, so any constructive criticism is welcome. I hope you enjoy it.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter (which belongs to JKR's) nor do I own the song _Fallen Angels_ (which belongs to Aerosmith). Do not annoy me with such trivial and ridiculous ideas.**

_Fallen Angels_

A greying figure sat by the window, silhouetted against the moonlight. He stared out through the cracked glass panes, his silver-grey eyes focused on a memory far away, the rain outside making wet ribbons across a view he didn't see. A small candle was clutched in his long fingers, its miniature flame flickering in the breeze drifting through the empty house. _Nymph always wanted to turn this shack into a home,_ Remus Lupin thought, his heart hurting at the thought of his lover. He glanced around the room, already knowing what he would see. Soft, inviting chairs and a couch, upholstered in a warm red fabric, were arranged in a circle around an empty fireplace. A beautiful, slightly worn area rug lay underfoot. The room was dark, layered in shadows. It had been ever since she had died. A fire in the hearth didn't bring the same light to the room that Tonks once had. No candle could shine like her eyes. Something tightened around Remus's heart. It still hurt too much to remember.

_There's a candle burning in the world tonight  
For another child who vanished out of sight  
_

Remus glanced down as he felt another sharp pain. Melted candle wax was dripping onto his hands, burning the skin. He let it fall, watching the beads pool together. The burning on his hand reassured him. It told him he wasn't dead. He could still feel something, even if it was only pain.

_And a heart is broken, another prayer in vain  
There's a million tears that fill a sea of pain  
_

Remus had been numb for a long time. Tonks had been dead for nearly seven months now and the wound had not even begun to heal. Remus had stood silently at her memorial service, releasing the tears only when he could not be seen by the others. They had expected him to cry, had encouraged it even, but he couldn't, not in front of them. Nymph had never liked it when he was unhappy. He had to be strong, for her. The tears had only come at night, turning silver in the moonlight as they soaked the pillow. Then he would fall into a fitful sleep, almost drowning in the sea of pain. After a while the tears wouldn't come. He had cried himself dry.

Remus's fingers tightened their hold on the candle. He had lost another piece of his heart. He stupidly kept giving them away, loving people and caring about them. And as they died, one by one, he bled, staining his world red. He had prayed for every single one of them and they had left him. Prayers did not cross his lips anymore. They were useless, anyway. No one ever seemed to answer.

_Sometimes I stare out my window  
My thoughts all drift into space  
Sometimes I wonder if there's a better place  
_

Remus had taken to sitting by his window in the Shrieking Shack and staring into nothing, letting his thoughts wander. _They have to be in a better place,_ he repeated to himself for the millionth time. _They have to have escaped._ But Remus was doubtful. Something better than his current hell could only be a dream. He had been truly happy once in his life and for so short a time, that it _must_ have been a dream. A flash of bright pink hair appeared in his mind's eye. His brow puckered. She had left too, like a fleeting prayer only half answered.

_Where do fallen angels go  
I just don't know  
Where do fallen angels go  
They keep falling  
_

_My angel,_ Remus thought. She had come into his life unexpectedly and had caused a lot of trouble. He was too old, too poor, and too dangerous for her, but she had stuck around anyway, ignoring his pleas and common sense. For some strange reason, this fallen angel loved him, though Remus could not begin to fathom why.

_Well the times is frightening  
Can't ignore the facts  
There's so many people  
Just slippin' through the cracks  
_

Remus focused his eyes on the dripping panes of the window. The war had raged on through Nymphadora's death and so many others had followed in her footsteps. Lavender Brown, Cho Chang, Seamus Finnegan and the Creevey brothers had all died in a second attack on the school, the attack that had closed it in Harry's seventh year. Mundungus Fletcher and Arabella Fig had been ambushed outside of London and had perished, unable to send a distress signal in time. Countless others had died, the November rains washing away so many lives. Soon snow would cover their graves, and maybe when the sun came back, no more would be added to their number and they would be able to rest in peace.

_So many ashes are scattered  
So many rivers run dry_

Remus remembered the day he had given Tonks away. She, along with the rest of the Order, had left a will. She had asked for cremation. Remus had followed her wishes and scattered her ashes from the tallest tower of Hogwarts, letting the wind take her. He raised his hand and touched a small vial around his neck. A pinch of ash was kept inside. He knew she wouldn't have minded.

The rain pounded the window of the Shrieking Shack, crying for Remus because he could no longer cry himself.

_Sometimes your heaven is hell and you don't know why  
_

The shack moaned with every gust of wet wind. Remus still didn't know how the building was still standing. It had been a hell like place for him all his life, the place where he had turned into a monster time and time again. But Tonks had changed that. She had painted over the blood stains, replaced the clawed boards with new ones and given life and a light to the rooms that no star could compete with. The shack had become almost a happy place, somewhere to live and love and raise a family. But then, that green light had taken away his heaven, and it had become a hell once more, only this time, it was twice as painful. Sometimes he wished for his horrible transformations, for they were the only times he could forget.

_  
Where do fallen angels go  
I just don't know  
Where do fallen angels go  
They keep falling  
_

_Nymph, why did have to love me?_ Remus asked his angel, staring up at the sky from his window. _Why did you have to accept me? If you had just left well enough alone, you could have lived._ Remus remembered back to the day they had visited Bill Weasley in the Hospital Wing of Hogwarts. With a Phoenix song in the back round, Tonks had once again confessed her love for him. He had repeated his mantra "I'm too old for you, too poor, too dangerous." again and again, but she hadn't listened. He knew she deserved someone young and whole, but as Mr. Weasley had pointed out, she didn't want young and whole. She wanted Remus. As he reached further into his memory, he could see the conversation immediately following that revelation. It played before him like a movie projected onto the glass, unaffected by the rivers of rain and the clouds of grief.

"_Remus, I love you," she whispered, her eyes tearful, her voice choked with emotion._

"_You can't love me, Tonks," he tried to tell her, "I'm too old, too poor, too dangerous for you, how many times must I tell you that?"_

"_Remus, _I do not care!_" She shouted. "I love you, how many times must I tell _you_ that? I love you despite your lycanthropy." She paused, gazing at him with a curios look that he could only describe as loving. "I think a part of me even loves you _because_ of it." _

_Remus was stunned and almost angry. _Why can't she just be scared of me like a normal witch? _He thought. Sadly, he turned his eyes to the floor, unable to look into her beautiful dark eyes. "How can you love a monster?" He whispered._

"_You are NOT a monster, Remus!" She yelled, exasperated with his ridiculous view of himself. "You are a kind, thoughtful, gentle human being and the reason you are a kind, thoughtful, gentle human being is because you've had to live most of your life as a werewolf. It's made you the man you are today. The man I love." She took a deep breath, unsure of how he would react to her next statement. "The man I want to spend my life with."_

"_Tonks-" Remus started, once again stunned by how much she cared._

"_Remus," she interrupted, "I'm not asking you to feel the same way and I'm not asking you to marry me. It's just," She got that exasperated look on her face again as she tried to convey her thoughts. "I know we can work this out. I _know_ we're supposed to be together. I want you to know how I feel, because I'm hoping that, against all your better judgment, you'll do something about it. I won't push you much farther today, because your eyebrow is starting to twitch and that means trouble." She pointed to it as she mentioned it._

It's true,_ he thought, surprised at her observation. He raised a hand to still the trembling brow._ My eyebrow only twitches when I'm angry._ Tonks continued to speak, "But, I want to leave you with this." She stepped forward and pressed her lips softly against his. His eye's closed involuntarily, a pleasant shudder running up his spine. Then they parted and she started to leave._

"_Nymphadora," Remus called, just as she reached the door. He turned to see the disapproval of her name written in her tearful eyes. But that disappeared as he crossed the room and cupped her face in his hand._

"_Listen to me. I _am_ too old for you-"_

_She sighed, her eyes closed in anger. "Remus…"_

"_No, listen." He remembered to breath and then continued, making the biggest decision of his life final. "I _am_ too old for you, I _am_ too poor for you and I _am_ too dangerous for you. And," he gulped, his Adam's apple bobbing in his throat. "I don't think I can ever be with you." The girl's face fell, a tear trickling from the corner of her eye._

"_But," he continued. "I'm going to try. I know I shouldn't, but I want to try." Then he had leaned down and kissed her smiling lips._

Remus closed his dry eyes, the memory burning like fire through his veins._ God, why did you have to take her?_ He whispered silently.

_Can you hear me  
Can you hear me  
_

Unable to sit still any longer, Remus left his post by the window, sprinted down the stairs and burst out in to the rain. He was instantly soaked, the water coming down in sheets. It was the kind of rain Nymph had always loved to dance in. She had always gone out during storms, often dragging Remus along, spinning circles until she fell down in a dizzy heap, laughing her infectious laugh. Her pink hair would be dripping, just like Remus's was now, his silver streaked locks plastered to his head. He tilted his head to the sky, letting the rain drops roll down his face. He screamed her name, praying one last fervent prayer, praying that she would hear him and come back to him.

_Somewhere out there there's a shining light  
And I got to be with you tonight  
_

Rain fell like tears on his face, washing it clean. He stood there for what seemed like hours, screaming and hoping. But nothing happened. No winged angel appeared before him, no pink hair graced his sight. Only the cold, wet rain and the mud were left in his reality. The drops turned warm, like the tears Remus so desperately wished to shed. _Please, _he silently begged. _Please, dear God, wash away the pain. Take it away. Make me a monster, so that I don't have to hurt anymore. Let the rain take it away._ Remus sunk to his knees, his heavy burden pushing hard on his tired shoulders.

_And with all were nowhere  
We still pay the price  
Yeah, the devil seems to get his way  
In downtown paradise_

The rain turned cold again. It was on a night just like this that it had happened. _I told her not to go down that alley,_ Remus thought bitterly, mud seeping through his pants to his knees. But she had ignored his warning, exploring the alleyway in downtown London. She had not known what she would find there, but Death Eaters were certainly the last thing on her list. They were attacked, Remus fighting like hell to save them both. But Tonks had been hit by the one spell he couldn't block: the Killing Curse. That bloody bastard Voldemort had cut away his angel's wings and left her cold heap on the pavement.

_I could have saved her. I know I could have, if I had just done something differently…_ Remus blamed himself everyday for her death. And, as the rain dripped down his face, he realized: while the raindrops could clean his face of the tears dried long ago, they could not wash away the blinding pain he would always feel. _He _had killed his beloved; somehow he would always hold himself responsible. And that was something Remus couldn't escape.

_Where do fallen angels go  
I just don't know  
Where do fallen angels go  
They keep falling  
_

Remus thought about where his winged beauty could be now. He had always joked that Nymph was his fallen angel, that she must have tripped over her harp and fallen from her cloud, straight into his lap. But if she had fallen from Heaven and from grace, where was she supposed to go now that she was dead? It was a question he could never answer. He just prayed she didn't keep falling.

_Where do fallen angels go  
I just don't know  
Where do fallen angels go  
They keep falling  
_

Remus rose to his feet, all his energy spent. Slowly plodding through the mud, he stumbled into the house and up the stairs. In the doorway to the living room, he stopped. The small candle was still burning, though it was barely a nub now. Its cream colored wax had spilled over onto the window sill, cementing it in place.

_There's a candle burning._

Remus leaned over and, with a gentle puff of air, blew the candle out. The room disappeared into darkness, shadows upon shadows muting everything. And though no light shone in the room, a candle was still lit in Remus's heart, for a love who was lost too young and too soon, but whose light would shine thought another's sad grey eyes forever.


End file.
